Blogging Baby

Awesome

Emilio,

Last night, I sat across the table from you and Dad.  Usually, I’m the one sitting next to you and making sure you are eating, and happy and not getting too messy.  From my new seat I had quite the view of you two.  While we waited for food, you got a little antsy and got to hang out on Dad’s lap.  You two were having quite some fun reading a book, looking in the mirror and just being silly.  I probably looked a little crazy to anyone looking in on us, just sitting there with a huge smile on my face.  But I couldn’t help it, and I didn’t want to.  

Watching you read, watching you read with your Dad, it was overwhelming.  You’re such a boy now.  Sometimes when I’m changing you, or wrangling you after some nude dude time I marvel at your little body.  I think about how your body will continue to grow in to an adult body, like I mine, I marvel at how small you once were and how much you’ve grown in 16 months.  Often, I can’t quite process it all.  This perfect boy who is growing in front of me, I made him, I nurtured and grew him inside of me and now continue to outside of me.  That boy is you, Emilio.  And someday sooner than I realize you’ll be grown.  The world and nature mystify me, here’s to exploring that world together.    

In the moment last night, as I watched you flip through the pages of you book, pointing out things to your Dad, reading a loud to yourself in your own language I was happy, so very happy.  I could have sat there watching you for a long time and been so satisfied.  

You fill me with such joy, every day, every moment.  I’m full of it, and I know I can take on more.  I watch you often and just marvel at how beautiful you are, at how fulfilling it is to just get to be your Mom, never mind the rest of the joy I get to experience with you.  Just calling you mine fills me up, and so the fact that on top of being my Boy you are this marvelous being who makes us laugh, who loves us back unabashedly, listens to us, plays with us and teaches us, is outstanding.  It is awesome in the true sense of the word.  You are awesome.  

Never forget that, Emilio.

You are an awesome being.

Your Mama

My Mother’s Day

This weekend was lovely and Sunday to cap it off was what I’d ask for each year.  

Instead of boring you with details, I’ll leave it to some pictures and just say this: The day started on the patio and was spent, for the most part, on our newly invigorated side porch (Amazing what an outdoor rug can do!).  

Peonies for Mama!  (And a gorgeous framed photo of me and my boy)

A lovely place to read a book

It may be your day, but give me a grape woman!

Comfy!  

Me and my boy

Hi Mama, Happy Mother’s Day. 

16 Months

Emilio,

You are 16 months old!  I have to admit, while time does seem to have slowed down a little bit since your birthday, this month flew.  And you, as always, were along for the ride. 

You are still an eating champ adding some new things here and there but mostly just continuing to eat an array of great foods.  You still nurse at night and in the middle of the night.  More on the weekends.  You like the comfort, mostly seeking it when you’re tired or feeling off.  I’m happy to provide bud.  

The biggest change I’ve seen in the last month has been your gross motor skills.  You take the playground like a pro now, climbing up stairs, deftly going down the slides and then signing more as you head back for another round. Dad and I can just sit back and let you go, its so fun to watch.  I’m honestly impressed every time you make it down the slide sitting up and just pop off on your feet.  

You are still quite the chatterbox, picking up new words and hanging on to your old favorites too.  You have started more naming and identifying of things.  You call Elephants, Harry (it is a hard word!) and Monkeys are Ee-ees.  You’ve also started saying some words we can’t quite make out.  Due to our recent plane trip together a fun new word is Airplane, which sounds a lot like Happy.  Airplanes make you happy!  

We’ve had quite a few fun trips this last month.  We flew, just the two of us, down to Knoxville for your very soon to be Auntie’s Bridal Shower.  You were such a good boy on the plane, and made lots of friends too which helped when you, understandably, got a little fussy at times.

Then, it was up to NH for a fun long weekend with Mimi and D to celebrate Mimi’s poetry book being published and launched!  You got to stay up late toasting Mimi and then saw a cow, and a horse up close.  You weren’t happy about each.  But we had a blast up there, as we always do, going for bike rides, taking walks on the wide open country streets and just hanging out.  

We also got in a visit with Evelyn, Jen, Tim, Helena and Your Great Aunt Chris and Great Uncle John in MA.  Evelyn took us to a really fun playground where you got to explore some new structures, ride on some fun things and play in the sand!  It was a little cold and windy, but you had a great time.  Dad said you got pretty transfixed watching the big kids play.  I love watching you watch other kids, I can see your little brain just thinking, “someday…”

While you are quite the “full of life”, silly little boy, you are also very thoughtful and inquisitive and take the time to really investigate something.  At the sandbox you spent a lot of time just picking up sand in a shovel and watching it fall through the little holes.  You often spend your bath time just picking up water in a cup with holes and watching it fall out, and I see you really study and take in books in a way that is different than your usually flip through the pages and say, “all done”.  When I see this side of you and think of it in balance with your funny nature I know it is all your Dad.  Because, he is the same silly man and inquisitive thoughtful guy.  You two are going to be quite the pair.  

This last month marked the first time I wasn’t home with you during the week for dinner.  It was a big step for me, and next month I’m going to miss putting you to bed.  But it is okay, it is good.  More importantly you rolled right with the punches, as I knew you would.  Thanks for making it easy.  

The last month, we also got you some fun new toys.  A bike, which you love being pushed in.  The other night as we took a walk you were waving and saying Buh-Bye as we walked, like you were the main attraction in a ticker tape parade.  Which , we’re sure you will be someday!  We also got you a basketball hoop, and you’re already practicing your dunks!  You continue to love being in the bath too, which is always fun to watch and be a part of.  

While you start off the night in your crib, you pretty much always make it in to our bed during the middle of the night.  You make waking up so much easier.  Lately, you like to get some cuddling in in the morning with us, and we soak it up.  Nothing is better than giggling and cuddling with you in our comfy big bed.  

The other night, you woke up in the middle of the night as you usually do and Dad got up before I did and picked you up out of your crib.  You were soothed, but still wanted me, your Mama and you kept asking for me.  I was right behind Dad and as soon as I got you in my arms you wrapped your whole body around me, settling deeply in to me, and sighed so contentedly, “Mama.”  Your head resting on my shoulder, your arms around my shoulders.  I felt you relax, I felt you soothe, I felt your love and happiness.  I felt you, you amazing little boy and I couldn’t have been happier.  That moment, it so aptly defines us.  I’ll always be there when you need me, and you know it.  No matter what you need in your life, I’m here.  I hope you always feel that ease when I hold you, hug you, let you rest your head on my shoulder.  

It just keeps getting better, this journey we’re on together, doesn’t it?

I love you,

Mama

For Me

Last night, I left 5 minutes before Emilio got home to go for a run.  In the rain.  I thought, as I was running, about how I felt leaving home just in time to not see my son as soon as he got home.  

I felt, in a word, good.  

I spend all day missing him, yes, but I also am more frequently spending days worrying about how I’m going to get more exercise in because it makes me so much happier (not to mention thinner).  

People tell you, 

“Take time for yourself.”  ”Don’t lose yourself in mothering.” “Take care of yourself.”

I don’t feel I have, and that’s good.  

I’m trying to figure out if I should feel guilt for going out for a run instead of spending the 27 minutes with Emilio.  Maybe should isn’t the right word.  I’m trying to say that, I didn’t feel guilty and I feel like all the messges I’ve gotten for the last 16 months is, DON’T feel guilty for holding on to and carving time for you and your stuff.  BUT, is there some piece of this puzzle that doesn’t fit because I work outside the home?  So the time should be then and not when it could be Emilio time?  Am I hedging against some push back I’m thinking I may get?  

I don’t know.

But I do know, that during my run I felt good, I felt happy, I felt right.  I thought, “Okay, this works, I can make this work, this is good.”

I don’t regret it taking 16 months for me to figure this out, this balance, this freedom and good feeling of taking small chunks of my day and converting them from Emilio time to time for me.  

And, it was a good run.  I felt strong, my time was strong.  And when I walked in the door, dripping rain and sweat, Emilio came around the corner, pointed up at me and said, “Mama!” and then quickly, reached his arms towards me and said, “Up?”  And the best feeling of my day changed very quickly from post run high, to seeing my son high.