Blogging our first pregnancy and child rearing, all the ups and downs, tears and laughs and overthinking that not only comes with being knocked up and a new Momma, but with just being me.
Sometimes I can be a little holier than thou in my own head about my parenting. Not like, “I’m so much better than any parent ever.” but more like, “I think I know what I’m doing, and I think my way makes more sense than other ways because my son is Awesome with a capital A.” So instead of sharing some of the ways I look at parenting, and specifically discipline and managing emotions in a toddler that might come off at - look at me do it the best - you should be doing this too if you want to be a GOOD parent, I want to share a resource that has been so helpful for me in facilitating some of the ways I do manage it and I truly see it make a difference.
Dr. Markham’s philosophy stems from a simple phrase- empathetic limits.
Here’s an example of how I implement it:
Last night, I gave Emilio some new bath toys. (Baby Lux inspired me) and he was thrilled. Getting him out of the bath is usually a little bit of a challenge, but there was no way he was going to leave tonight. I thought I had it on lock, he had said goodnight to the toys and everything. But when I lifted him out he turned in to a shrieking animal full of pain and tears. I was actually surprised I could stand him up and dry him off and that he didn’t melt in to a mushy puddle of upset toddler. So as I towel dried him, I explained what was happening and connected with his being upset,
“Hey bud, I know you’re disappointed because you like your new toys. We have to go to bed now, and you can play with the toys tomorrow night.” I then asked him to turn and face me so I could give him a hug to show my empathy for him feeling upset (Something Dr. Markham encourages). As soon as I got him in my arms he sighed and through the tears asked for “Milk night night”. Which in Toddler speak was, “Mom, I’m tired and I just want to go to bed.” So I picked him up and hugged him some more and said, “I know bud, you’re a tired guy, let’s get you to bed.”
I felt like I was able to avoid a meltdown, while still moving us to where we needed to go and get some extra cuddles in.
Score!
Is it always this easy? No. But, I will say that when I get down on Emilio’s level, offer sympathy and understanding while staying firm on my limits we typically move pretty quickly to resolution. And it usually ends in a hug, while I’ll always take.
Last night was kind of a big deal for me. It was the first time in 15 months that I wasn’t the one to take Emilio home. That meant no nursing when he got home and no Mom making dinner.
When I write it out like that it doesn’t seem like as much of a big deal. It was, for me.
Instead of booking to Penn Station 5 minutes later than I should have, I took a leisurely stroll south to Yogamaya and met up with Alison who was only in town for a week for the first Yoga class in longer than I could imagine (over a year).
I was anxious, which I tried to capture above. I was nervous about class, and anxious about how Emilio would be, not because Matt was with him, but because I wasn’t.
After a great flow, and a quick but great catch up, I booked it to Penn and caught the train home. Texts flew as I checked to make sure all was ok on the homefront. Of course it was. He was happily eating and Matt was acting as dinner time pro (read: go with the flow, don’t force food, know he’ll get what he needs) I walked in exactly when I wanted to. Emilio was playing in the bath and all was quiet. There was no tearful reunion, instead I saw a warm smile of recognition and then it was back to business.
Matt told me how Emilio had looked for me in a couple of rooms, and it made me happy to know he’d missed me but not so much it hurt.
I always knew kiddos were versatile, and I knew it would be harder on me than him.
This morning as I was getting him dressed we had the following conversation:
Me: “Last night, I didn’t pick you up, Dad did. Then he fed you, and played with you and put you in the bath. “
E: “Happy!”
So, we’re good.
Happy Hump Day. Let’s revisit the best part of the week (the weekends) as we look forward to the next in just a few short days (although, who’s with me in feeling like this week has been dragging big time!)
Our weekends are getting more and more filled as the weather gets nicer, but that’s okay because we always get in lots of family time and that’s what matters to us.
Friday Night, it was an all the toys in the bath type of night, you know what I”m talking about, right? This guy loves his bath toys. Especially the turtle, and he knows there are two, so when he gets his hands on one he will still say, “Turtle, turtle” until he finds the other, I mean really, what’s better?
Saturday we started off with Round 2 of swimming lessons. I think we’ll have a little adjustment period again, especially since this level is all about getting in and under the water more and more. Eek.
Then after running errands (OMG baby shoes are the cutest I couldn’t help myself) it was home to get food ready for our Final Four viewing party with K&E.
Can I admit to you, that Matt and I just realized that it would make our lives a lot easier if we wore Emilio on our back to get house stuff done rather than half chase him around and half get stuff done. I mean, DUH! I got dinner made while we bopped around to Essence’s A Dog Named Moo, Matt cleaned up the house and no one made a mess. Well, I guess I made a mess, but cooking messes are different.
Sunday we visited my Bubba in New Haven and decided to give Emilio his first taste of Pepe’s pizza on the way home. We weren’t brave enough for the Original Location, but the Fairfield location was on our way home and thankfully unbusy! Unfortunately there was an oven issue that had us there way longer than ideal with a tired 14 month old, but the pizza was delicious. Shockingly, Emilio, was not interested at all in the pizza. Seriously. He tried some crust, but was not enthused. More for us! Also, another reason to always have some other food on hand. Grapes and Strawberries to the rescue!
After being cooped up in the car for most of the day, we ended the day with a walk to the ball field near our house for Emilio’s first run around the bases. Nothing makes me happier than watching him charge around outdoors just loving life. It was much more chilly than we were expecting, but it felt great to get some fresh air in and was the nicest way to end the busy weekend.
Here’s to Friday!
Two babies in the bath is definitely more fun then one. Also, Evelyn is a good spalsher!
