Blogging our first pregnancy and child rearing, all the ups and downs, tears and laughs and overthinking that not only comes with being knocked up and a new Momma, but with just being me.
Last night was kind of a big deal for me. It was the first time in 15 months that I wasn’t the one to take Emilio home. That meant no nursing when he got home and no Mom making dinner.
When I write it out like that it doesn’t seem like as much of a big deal. It was, for me.
Instead of booking to Penn Station 5 minutes later than I should have, I took a leisurely stroll south to Yogamaya and met up with Alison who was only in town for a week for the first Yoga class in longer than I could imagine (over a year).
I was anxious, which I tried to capture above. I was nervous about class, and anxious about how Emilio would be, not because Matt was with him, but because I wasn’t.
After a great flow, and a quick but great catch up, I booked it to Penn and caught the train home. Texts flew as I checked to make sure all was ok on the homefront. Of course it was. He was happily eating and Matt was acting as dinner time pro (read: go with the flow, don’t force food, know he’ll get what he needs) I walked in exactly when I wanted to. Emilio was playing in the bath and all was quiet. There was no tearful reunion, instead I saw a warm smile of recognition and then it was back to business.
Matt told me how Emilio had looked for me in a couple of rooms, and it made me happy to know he’d missed me but not so much it hurt.
I always knew kiddos were versatile, and I knew it would be harder on me than him.
This morning as I was getting him dressed we had the following conversation:
Me: “Last night, I didn’t pick you up, Dad did. Then he fed you, and played with you and put you in the bath. “
So, we’re good.
Last night I had trouble sleeping soundly. The first culprit was a party going on in my uterus. Unless I was laying on my back (which I can’t do, so I was propped up on pillows) and staying still, the baby was moving and grooving. I guess gaining a sense of equilibrium means discomfort when I’m on my side, and thus baby is pushed to that side too.
Not only did it mean that I had trouble getting comfortable, but my anxiety was heightened thinking something could be wrong and E was in distress since this was a new occurrence. After Matt confirmed that the heartbeat sounded the same to him, I talked myself out of my anxiety and settled in for sleep… 45 minutes later.
Turns out, we may have a new phase on our hands. Tonight at Yoga the baby was moving and grooving again. In to downward dog, a few shifts and kicks. Up in warrior 2, some more turns and sticking the butt up. Leaning back on bolsters in Savasanah, time to move all around my uterus! I think we’ve got an active kid on our hands, and a yoga baby for sure!
In case you’re curious I imagine what is going on inside me is a lot of foot grabbing, leg stretching, and rolling. Maybe E will come out crawling already with the development already happening in the womb!
I went to my second prenatal class tonight, I almost skipped it (tired, sore back, hungry) but the money I put down for 10 classes over 3 months and I have to use them!
I really loved the sub we had tonight, she was gentle in her approach and I appreciated all the poses she used for us. There was a lot of focused time on our baby. I loved spending time thinking about the life growing inside of me and what I’m doing to help that growth. I felt so much love passing between me and the growing baby. I was centered in those moments and very focused on being present to what I was feeling. I could feel the huge smile inside and all the emotions flowing through me.
As we lay (in a fantastic modified) savasanah I pressed my hands to my lower stomach and felt for E’s movements, and there she/he was right there with me, taking in all the love I can give.
I’m so in love with this baby and it grows so much each day. It was overwhelming and magical and amazing to just feel it all.
Even if you’re not pregnant. Stop, for a moment, and feel what you’re feeling, be in that moment and let the emotions flow through you.